The writing on (and off) the wall: Let’s be blunt: MLB and CBD can buddy up this October, but who tells the kids?

Tom Hoffarth /

Major League Baseball striking up a new business relationship with a cannabis company is pretty dope.

Add that in with its array of the sell-our-souls partnerships that already exist — sports betting services, hard alcohol, and pharma companies that address erectile dysfunction, hair replacement and how to fix a crooked carrot — Fox’s upcoming World Series will be a nightly between-innings catalyst for the most cringeworthy family discussions in the modern era. If the kids are allowed to stay up late on the East Coast, of course after both the Mets and Yankees disappears.

The latest addition to the convoluted truth-telling equation — the company in the CBD world about to chew on the Manfred-signed horsehide is called Charlotte’s Web.

Some deal.

If you thought flavored vaping companies were a threat to your children’s vapid minds, explain to them how this 100 percent natural and vegan-friendly co-op has nothing to do with a friendly spider, a slaugherable pig and a rat who somehow remains the moral compass in this backward barnyard.

When you see commercials where Templeton is gnawing his way through a raspberry flavored hemp extracted-infused gummies, you’ll become enlightened in how the MLB marketing committee has figured out a way to have something resonate with its 3-to-10 age demographic.

Terrific? Radiant? Humble?

You bet your bacon.

To some unenlightened, baseball is already a sport that puts people to sleep. As the game’s fixers try to manipulate its pace with new rules, clocks and other audience prompts, encouraging the use of this kind of “dietary supplement” only exacerbates the situation. It encourages those to nod off before the seventh inning stretch, between pitching changes, or whenever there’s another manager-invoked replay.

Baseball has its natural counter-intuitive ebb and flow.

The Sports Business Journal reports that not only is this the first “big-league property” to feel a need for an “Official CBD of MLB,” the deal, lasting three years, gives Charlotte’s Web a line of sports-related products that can compromise the iconic MLB silhouetted batter logo with some hippy weed shade.

(We just got a flashback to the glory days of Anaheim Stadium in the mid-’70s, when the Angels yielded to a concert by The Who during a road trip and came back to find groundskeepers digging out more than 100 marijuana plants that sprouted on the playing field. Said Mayor William J. Thom: “The economic situation at the stadium has not reached such a perilous point that we have to resort to growing marijuana. But they’ll never be able to play ‘Tea for Two’ at Anaheim Stadium again.”)

For those trying to follow the trajectory of this CBD movement in sports, the local Angel City FC team in the National Women’s Soccer League was drawn into Charlotte’s Web with a sponsorship deal last June. It was couched in a way that, since the Angel City sponsorship model directs 10 percent of each deal back to the L.A. community, the team and Charlotte’s Web “will focus on promoting health and wellness and supporting L.A.-based LGBTQ+ seniors.”

It also notes that everthing’s cool here — the state of California’s passed State Assembly Bill 45 a year ago, which permits retail sales of products containing CBD, including dietary supplements, topicals, over-the-counter and pet products.

To get all this done, the sports have required that the CBD company have the government’s National Science Foundation seal of approval. The NSF is not to be confused with NFTs or NILs. But if we were to be honest about what happens in today’s abbreviated world of word skills and communications, we’re still trying to figure out the actually meanings of NP, NBD and NVM.

Never mind.

The MLB, which removed marijuana for its list of banned substances in 2019 and has waived its previous fine of $35,000 for those caught, now treats it like alcohol. And gambling. And whatever other vice that becomes an entry point to the next phase of our decline.

It was also apparently feeling a lot better about everything when President Biden made his own pre-World Series splash by not only pardoning all federal offenses of previous simple marijuana use, but also pushing its decriminalization.

Of course, cannabidiol (CBD) and its dancing chemical partner, tetrahydrocannabinol (THC), are each extracts of the cannabis plant, but because of the way the carbon, hydrogen and oxygen atoms are arranged, one has the psychoactive compound and the other doesn’t. At least that’s what Mike Tyson tells us.

We forget which is which. The MLB will figure it out, and if not, Trevor Bauer will confer with his legal team and soon Bauer-plain it to them.

The Sports Business Journal says this opens the door for other leagues to follow the MLB’s lead. The NBA and NFL seem like more natural hemp-added protein shake partners than the MLB, considering its participants who already are medically-influenced by the movement. The UFC already has a CBD partner called Love Hemp.

Love Hemp sounds like the name of a group that will probably be playing the Super Bowl halftime show sometime soon.

“I don’t think every team will have a (CBD) partner, but probably every league will,” said UFC senior vice president of global partnerships man, Paul Asencio, in a moment of clarity to SBJ. “It’s just a really good connection and marketing platform, because professional athletes are using these products and will continue to.”

Mellow out, everyone.

As long as we don’t have to hear Vin Scully doing a live ad for this during the World Series, E.B. White would likely approve of this misappropriation of his book title.

Maybe it’s just we’ve never really thought of MLB as an organization that could blaze a new trail so late in life. The Sport of Jackie Robinson advancing the Black Athlete is now in this commercial field of greens.

If you’re able to roll with this, just consider how the upcoming World Series ads just became something we can plan to giggle about even more now while your kids look at you with that confused face.

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